


Mall Santa

by Lelline



Series: For the love of Jack [8]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Crack, Jeremy likes guys that look like santa, M/M, Mall Santa - Freeform, Multi, Retail, santa!jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 08:39:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5410268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lelline/pseuds/Lelline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some mall santas are good at their job.<br/>Jeremy is convinced to work with one who is a little too good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mall Santa

Jeremy had never believed in Santa.  
His parents had never been even remotely good at lying and the neighbour’s kids had taken glee at telling him the truth every chance they could. He had been only 6 when his mother gave in and told him the truth.  
And after that, Santa was a beloved fictional character to him. Every once in awhile, a poor family would forward and claim to have been visited by Santa, even a few families that never celebrated Christmas would occasionally claim to wake up to a picturesque living room with a tree and presents and a plate of cookies and milk, but those were just hoaxes as everyone knew.  
By the time he had his foot in the door for the olympics, Jeremy stopped celebrating Christmas altogether.  
It had been January 6th, old Christmas Day, when Jeremy slipped on a training matt and twisted up badly enough to break a bone.  
It had been the training facilities fault. They had used the wrong cleaner on the mat, leaving an oily residue behind that was great at reducing friction. Jeremy didn't even have to bring up a lawsuit, they gave him more than enough money to pay for what his medical insurance would not.  
But while he tried his best, his leg never healed to the point where he could continue on to compete in the Olympics.  
After that, came a time of self discovery. Without the need to maintain a certain image, he finally came out of the closet. He dated a few guys, then a few girls when he realized that bisexuality was a thing and for a while he was just happy to have time to himself.  
He had good savings, and with the additional chunk of money from his old gym, he knew he would be fine for a few years if he lived frugally. So he downsized his apartment a little, looked around, and found a job at the mall to supplement his income.  
The store he worked in was a little weird novelty store, with little nerdy gifts and things that were totally bongs, t-shirts referencing TV shows from the past, and fake swords. It was a sweet place to work, the owner caring more about his employees than douchebag customers. And the manager, Geoff, was laid back and fair, even keeping cell phone chargers under the desk for slow days.  
The only bad side of it all of course was that everyone wanted to work there, even if it was just part time, so it was hard to ask for more hours. Jeremy had been lucky to get as many as he could, but as winter came and his little used car started to get a little slow at turning on Jeremy thought about getting a new car.  
And Geoff had one.  
It was still a few years old, but it ran relatively smooth and was good on gas since it was just a little car. He had posted it for $6000, which was a great price since it still had many years to go and was well maintained.  
“I’ll sell it to you for $5500.” Geoff offered, grinning a little too wide. “In return for a favor.’  
“What kind of favor?” Jeremy hesitated. “I’m not sucking your dick.”  
“No, no.” Geoff laughed, looking a little too amused. “I’d need you to work an extra job part time for a few weeks. My friends run a christmas thing here in the mall and they just need help.”  
Jeremy knew Geoff. He knew right away that something had to be up. There was a university nearby, so there were plenty of people around who would love to take up a short job over winter break.  
Still, he’d get a $500, plus wages. And it would end by the end of the year. That would be worth whatever stupidity Geoff was dragging him into.  
And two weeks later, he was standing by a gaudy sleigh, the back piled up with fake presents, each individually wrapped with different paper and ribbon and labeled. The sleigh was real, though the harnesses were strung out over big wrapped boxes, forming the line up. Jeremy’s station was in the front of the lineup, acting as a herder of children and a photographer. The kids were mostly good, the decor terribly cheesy, and the worse thing was Jeremy’s outfit. They had been forced to improvise a little, since his body had been too muscular and broad for any of the normal outfits. so he wore red t shirts under a gaudy green vest, black pants and the ugliest curled shoes, little bells on the end of his hat.  
He didn’t quit though, and he wouldn’t, just because of the man sitting on the sleigh, dressed in red and white and talking quietly to a little girl as Jeremy discussed photo package options with her mother.  
Santa was a jolly man, of average height but with a slight gut. His white beard was well maintained, and slightly curled, his cheeks a little red where they showed beneath the real white beard. He was smooth skinned, besides a few laugh lines around his eyes, and his thin framed glasses did nothing to hide the fact that the man beneath the costume had to be a little too young for the role. His voice was deep but gentle, and the man behind it was just as kind. No child had been upset with meeting this santa, no babies had cried, and without fail Santa would root out what the kid wanted for christmas and let the parents know without the kid realizing it.  
But if Jeremy ever did give in to the belief santa was real, this man was him.  
The first day he had been skeptical, the second day he had been paranoid that he was being pranked, and by the fourth he was wondering if this was all a drug trip brought on by the secondhand marijuana smell his other job sometimes had due to their more alternative customers.

“Seriously, Matt.” He said to his best friend while they tried to replay all the GTA Heists. “I’m seriously wondering if the guy is actually a mind reader or something.”  
“I think you just wanna be Mrs Claus.” Matt murmured distractedly as he tried to drive them to safety. “I mean, he’s all you talk about lately. You should just bang him already.”  
“It’s not like that.” Jeremy protested. “It's not like that at all. You should come watch it. Today a little girl came through that was too shy to talk. He knew her name. He knew what she wanted. And they hadn’t mentioned it in the lineup or anything. He just knew.”  
“It had to be a coincidence. Maybe he’s a friend of her parents or something.”  
“He knows all their names.” Jeremy shook his head. “And I swear, it's like he knows what they want before they even do.”  
“So he's good at guessing.”  
“He asked me today if I was going to get a kettlebell for christmas.”  
“You’re always hinting about wanting one.” Matt shrugged with a laugh. “Maybe he’ll get you one since you’re Santa’s little helper.”  
“I’m only hinting about it to you.” Jeremy hissed. “I haven’t told anyone else since I know you’ll actually get them.”  
“So he heard you on the phone or maybe just knew you were a musclehead and guessed what weights you’d want.” They were caught by the cargobob and lifted up to safety, giving Matt the chance to face Jeremy and quirk an eyebrow. “Why aren’t you banging him? Fulfill your disturbing little santa fetish.”  
“I don’t want to bang him and I don’t have a santa fetish.” He gave his friend a horrified look.  
“It's okay man, I’ll still be your friend even if you are Santa’s Ho.”  
Despite Matt’s height advantage, Jeremy won the resulting wrestling match.

He wasn’t exaggerating Santa’s abilities. The man even seemed to speak french and spanish, and when he signed in ASL his movements were quick and fluid, never stumbling. His hands were skilled in general, fiddling with whittling little toys during breaks and even knitting once. The toys and the hat he made ended up going off with kids, except for a little wooden mental puzzle he gifted to Jeremy. It had taken Jeremy two days to learn how to consistently take it apart and put it together and yet Santa had carved it out of a piece of wood over the course of two lunches.  
“What is your real name?” Jeremy finally asked, a week before his last day. “Honestly man, I won’t use it, it’s just driving me mad not being able to think of you as anything other than ‘Santa’.”  
“Nicholas.” The man hummed. “Jolly old Nick.”  
“That isn’t your name.” Jeremy frowned, crossing his arms and trying not to preen when Santa’s eyes momentarily stuttered over his biceps. “Come on, I thought we were friends.”  
“Who is to say I’m not really Santa?” The other man laughed, the sound thankfully nothing like the “Oh ho ho’s” people usually used. He laughed loud and earnestly, amused by his own joke.  
And damn, Matt was right, Jeremy might actually want to bang the annoyingly frustrating impossible man.

So he came into the mall on his day off, dressed in a black shirt that was honestly too small.  
Mrs Claus was working that day.  
She didn’t look or sound like a Mrs Claus, her australian accent and thin frame contrasting Santa. She seamlessly blended into the scene, sharing a laugh with Santa as he tried to juggle three babies on his lap.  
And Jeremy left without a word, feeling completely crushed.

Santa was supposed to be jolly, but not gay.  
It made sense he would have a fantastic woman at his side.

The last day of work came too soon.  
Jeremy wasn't ready for it, even if he was now uncomfortable with his own crush. It was Christmas Eve and the wall would close early.  
Santa was smiling the whole time, extra cheerful and bright. He joked that he was all hyped up to start his deliveries soon and Jeremy wanted to believe it.  
As the last desperate procrastinator was shoved out of the mall, Jeremy was surprised to notice all the employees flocking to the center of the mall. Geoff was there, alongside Gavin, the skinny Brit glancing often to Ray, the GameStop employee that he had been crushing on for months.  
“For all you newcomers.” Geoff called out loudly, eyes glimmering with amusement. “Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Festivus, Kwanza, whatever you do this time of year. Thank you all for your help and for not killing anyone this month.”  
“Now I have gifts for you all.” Santa said, looking jolly and magnificent as he reached behind himself to hit a latch. There was a click and the empty boxes on the back of the sleigh slid off, revealing a hidden compartment.  
And Santa did what he did best. He took each box and brought it to its owner, never hesitating or glancing around, even as he pulled boxes for four Sarah's and did not have last names there to help him.  
And they were all personal gifts  
Geoff got a mustache maintenance kit. Gavin got a Camera lens for that ridiculous slow motion camera. Ray got a purple hoodie (and a note that made him glance at Gavin and flush). Barb and Lindsay (the girls who ran the specialty chocolate store) got black and white dresses decorated with cats, both adorable but unique. Ryan the electronics guy got a snow shovel and black ski mask that looked like a skull. Michael the security guard got the master sword and a note that made him look towards Ray and Gavin and flush.  
Finally, the last gift was left and Jeremy knew from the second Santa lifted it that it was a damn kettlebell, and a heavy one at that. He took the wrapped box, the bottom of it so heavy that he knew it was being kept in a wooden box.  
“Open that later.” Santa said, eyes meeting Jeremy. He looked beautiful like that, all rosy cheeked and glowing. “Thank you for everything.”  
“It was no problem. I'll help again next year if you want.” Jeremy said, unsure of what to do about the fact this could be the last time he saw the other man.  
“Hey.” An Australian woman appeared in the doorway, accompanied by a little girl with colourful hair. “Come on, we’ll be late.”  
Santa nodded, then glanced to Jeremy again. “Sorry… I need to go. But I'd love working with you again next year. Merry Christmas.”

Jeremy didn't open the box until the next morning. It was stupid, and he knew Matt would tease him if he ever heard about it, but he wanted to prolong the experience.  
Inside was a smart little chest, obviously hand carved, and just big enough to hold anything important. It had a built in lock, with three keys, and inside was the kettlebell Jeremy had expected.  
There was a note inside, on fancy paper in clean neat pen.  
Thanks for everything,  
Merry Christmas,  
Jack  
And there was something terrible about knowing his name now that they would never see eachother again. Still, it was just another sign of how badly he had fallen for the near-stranger that his immediate reaction was to murmur his name. “Jack…”

The mall in January was always a terrifying experience.  
There were still sales going on along with all the returned gifts and size exchanges. Geoff was glowing throughout it all, looking more amused with every day.  
“You miss Santa.” Geoff said on a dull Monday, just before Jeremy’s supper break. “I’m surprised at how close you two got.’  
“We didn’t get close.” Jeremy denied. “We barely had the chance to talk to each other.’  
“Thats a lie.” Geoff said. “You have lunch together every shift. You had little lulls when the kiddies would be in school. You had plenty of time.”  
“I didn’t even know his name.” The shorter man shook his head, a melancholy falling over him at his own words. “He was just Santa around me.”  
“So he was.”

Jeremy came back from his break to see Geoff caressing the face of another man, his grin either flirtatious or devious.  
Jeremy didn't recognize the stranger, a tall man with reddish brown hair and glasses, his face completely shaved clean. He looked a little too straight laced to be in their store, and definitely wasn't the sort he could picture Geoff going bisexual for.  
“Does your wife know you’ve been feeling up other men?” Jeremy settled on asking.  
“Nah. But I'm sure she doesn't mind it.” Geoff said. “I've never seen him so clean shaven before in the whole decade I've known him. This skin is all soft and virginal.”  
“How can a cheek be virginal?” The other man chuckled.  
“Yours can, buddy, I can't explain it's just science and shit.”  
“Okay then.” The shortest of them let out a sigh, glancing between them both. “Geoff, I won't get involved in your extra marital affairs. I'll be in the back sorting out pipes if you need me.”  
“Wait.” Geoff said, “I think you two need to talk a little.”  
“Why?” Jeremy glanced at the stranger again, not sure who he was or why Geoff looked so smug. The man wasn't particularly handsome or plain, though from the sound of that conversation he was into men. He didn't seem curious about Jeremy though, looking a little amused instead. Jeremy wondered if the man was thinking of short jokes. “I'm Jeremy, I guess.”  
“I know,” Mr Virgin cheeks nodded.  
Jeremy glanced at Geoff, wondering if this was some sort of setup or something to help him get over Santa.  
“This is my good friend.” Geoff started up, hands landing on both their shoulders. “He is the best substitute teacher around who deals mostly in kindergarten through grade 3. He works in every school in the city, remembers every kid’s name, and moonlights as the author of a best selling kids series about superheroes. What he's known best for in this mall though is taking a month off teaching every winter so that he can sit on his ass all day making false promises to kids about bringing them toys. This is Jack.”  
And it hit Jeremy like a bag of bricks.  
His eyes were the same, twinkling merrily behind new glasses. He had dyed his hair back to a normal colour and lost the magnificent beard, but his cheeks were rosy and his smile was kind and genuine.  
“Santa.” Jeremy murmured, heart skipping a beat.  
“I'm Jack now.” He said, “Just Jack.”  
“You two are going out tonight.” Geoff interjected. “I've made reservations already, and afterwards you can either catch a movie or go to Jack’s and fuck each other's brains out. You’re both pathetic when you’re pining and we’re all sick of watching you.”  
“Sounds good.” They both said at once and it was just a thrill for it to be real. Jeremy already wanted to be leaving, to finally get the chance to meet the real man he had been obsessed with for weeks.

The next Christmas, The mall was happy to have the same Santa.  
He remembered every kid’s name, and had arrangements with most of the teachers so that he would know what they had put down in their writing logs what they wanted for Christmas. Even knowing how he did it, Jeremy still marvelled at how easily Jack could memorize the lists. Jack had a little set up in his home office to display the different names and wish lists but it had all looked like craziness to Jeremy.  
He still whittled, though he only was able to do a few things. He had long since confessed he had practiced making that puzzle for a while before making it for Jeremy, wanting to impress him somehow despite the tacky costumes.  
Jeremy had grown to love the tacky costume. He’d grown to love how much Jack threw himself into the Christmas experience, though it made sense for him to love it since he loved Jack more than anything else. He worked with him through December, dressed as an elf whenever Jack’s friend Caiti couldn't help, and at the end of the day he’d go home and help Jack wash the dye out of his beard and kiss him senseless.  
And he didn't believe in Santa. But he did believe Jack was even better.


End file.
